Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
