if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
