my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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