so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
