She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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