my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
