I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
