i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
