so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
