Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
