I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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