Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
