i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
