Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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