you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
