We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
