Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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