clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Randomize
