my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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