I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
