It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
