half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Randomize
