it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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