We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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