So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And then he peed in my hair
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