It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
