Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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