I hope mine doesn't look like that
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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