some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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