oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
