i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I supernannyed him into submission
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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