I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
