dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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