i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
