I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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