OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
