Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
