I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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