god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
