Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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