the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
