These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
