Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
