and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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