11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
