Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name