Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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