got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
