Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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