i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
