he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
