U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
