It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
