Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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