My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize