What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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