i permit you to call me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
