I'm jealous of your bromance
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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