It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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