Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
