i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
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