Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
