Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
