wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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