i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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