So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
