3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
