For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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