K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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